I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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