So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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