They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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