So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
