making cat noises will not fix the situation.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize