There was a lot of him and a little penis
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want her autograph on my taint
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
