talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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