a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
