Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Its about making memories worth repressing
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
