I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
