we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This is my gift to your gina
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
