Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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