i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
