i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
