Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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