I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
