i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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