Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
