My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
