it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
