You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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