Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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