I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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