Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
