Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
soo... how was my night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
