Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
