YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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