I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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