how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
