Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
