Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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