I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
