Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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