dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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