Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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