he wants to bone in the snuggie
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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