I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
