I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
