and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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