Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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