im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
