the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
