A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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