I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
