If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
