Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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