I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
