My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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