i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
