Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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