all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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