ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize