Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
