You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
