Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
