Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
