Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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