I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
