I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
