Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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