We're facebook friends in real life
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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