Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
