i permit you to call me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
