ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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