yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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