Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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