No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
