I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize