I just made out with a guy for $7.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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