I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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