is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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