I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've blown a few things in my day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
