It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to calm my uterus...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
