Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
