she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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