i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
