so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
