I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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